Love is the Place

Written by Lili Sinclaire | 01 October 2009

Last month we looked at how misunderstanding and disconnection occur when we are living in fear instead of love. My husband and I learned how to move away from fear to this place of love by making some major shifts in our lives.

When I went back to school in 2006, I was tested for learning disabilities. The counselor thought I would benefit from therapy because she noticed I had such a huge problem with my self-esteem. While in therapy I decided that my husband Korby was not helping my self-esteem because he was often critical of me. I blamed Korby for my negative feelings. I saw him as the problem and I did not take responsibility for my experience.

Over the years we had created a negative way to interact: Korby would be critical and I would withdraw. We had worked on this problem for years. Things would get better for a time, but we always ended up back in a rut, because neither of us dealt with the real problem. So I decided I wanted to separate.

Naturally, Korby did not take the break-up very well. Initially he felt rejected and hurt, but instead of expressing the hurt, he became angry and this only pushed me further away.

The whole experience was possibly the best thing that ever happened to both Korby and me. Our pain caused us to want to know the truth of what we were experiencing. The way to understand the truth was to set aside our personal realities that were created by our insecure egos. When we did this we were able to move into present moment awareness and become more objective.

Korby had to go within and understand why he treated me negatively. He discovered he had a self-esteem issue himself and if he could make me feel bad then it made him feel better. Going within allowed Korby to rediscover his Inner Self that is good and then he was able to forgive himself.

I too had to go within. I had to remember that I had an Inner Self that is good and that when I felt hurt I did not have to withdraw. I could express how I felt in a positive way.

This inner work led to our ability to take responsibility for our own feelings; this meant not blaming the other. We were able to let go of anger and hurt, which allowed us to become curious. We learned to listen to how the other felt without judgment. Our respect and trust grew and the gate was open for us to connect in this place of love.

We practice this process daily: being in the moment, going within to understand what is true and sharing from love. So far we have found that living in this place of love is a pretty wonderful experience.