Written by Dorothy Segovia
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03 December 2010
Posted in
iNFORMATION PRESS -
Points of View
‘Tis the season of holiday rituals and obligations. We all have familiar celebrations. We also have familial losses, regrets and ways of relating that no longer work. Facing holidays past and Hallmark expectations can leave one feeling powerless. One friend decided to spend the season in Italy with his son: a handy escape. But for those who can’t jet across the pond, it’s good to be certain that you are celebrating rather than obligating. This year, I decided to create my own celebrations instead of driving to my mother’s home in Orange County.
What do they say about how to make God laugh? Tell Her your plans. For Thanksgiving I intended on being solo. I was going to hike, order a turkey dinner and watch two DVDs. For those who know my movie propensity, this may not seem like a treat. But I was going to splurge on movies from redbox instead of trolling the free library bins. I even had the movies selected: It’s Complicated and Temple Grandin.
The first kink in plans was that my friend Andy, who is visiting the area from out of town, didn’t want to be alone. I invited him to my place. I worried about who was going to sit in the comfortable chair if he stayed for the movies.
Kink number two was that I knew another person who was also visiting the Central Coast solo. No way do I have three comfortable chairs. The third kink was, well. At least I was laughing.
In October I taught a group of young adults about the power of ritual. I told them the most important point of any ritual was clarity and intention. That’s why we were celebrating the Day of the Dead on October 26 instead of November 2. That’s the reason they could join me by proxy during my full moon burning bowl ceremony. They wrote their intentions on cards: I blessed and released the intentions a few weeks later.
Another thing about ritual is that after a time, traditional rituals need to be revamped. Change is a good thing. If the kids are gone, do you really want to decorate? If not, a poinsettia or bowl of pinecones as a centerpiece is festive enough. I love, love, love decorating. I even have two mini Christmas trees: one for each room. But due to creative projects, I’m going to set my nativity-in-a-coconut-shell on the table, step back and announce, “I have achieved good enoughness!”
Ritual can be tiny. Maybe I’ll memorize another Mary Oliver poem. The one that starts, “One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice…” That way the words will be handy whenever I feel obligated to sacrifice my spirit on behalf of an outdated idea.
Celebrate. Create. Appreciate. Rituals are for grounding your soul into your sweet body of life. Trust your Inner Wisdom to light the way and leave you laughing.
Dorothy Segovia is a certified Life Coach who facilitates group and individual workshops. She is currently writing a magazine series based on her coaching work.
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