| 01 August 2009

The following is written with the sincere intent of helping other families and friends of Vietnam Vets, as well as others, to understand a possible confusion in a friend or family member. It took our family years to begin to get some clarity on this subject.
Approximately twelve years ago (20 years after the Veteran came home from Vietnam), our family changed from an open loving family who talked and laughed together, to a family isolated from each other, having secrets and little or no conversation, demonizing other family members with letters, fabricated stories by the Vet of things that never happened in reality. We saw no visible angry words or misunderstandings before this huge change in behavior of the letter writer, from a dear and helpful member of the family and society to a clearly troubled person. Some family members did see signs of depression and fear in him, I am told, for which help was received. The latest behavior was beyond what had been seen before. This behavior and the fabricated stories began to confuse other family members and friends, not knowing what to believe and most of all why the behavioral change. Meetings with therapists by relatives offered no explanations until one Sunday morning when we heard a speaker at our church who sounded as if she may have some answers of why our family was being ripped apart by the behavior of this formerly wonderful member of the family. In a consultation with this therapist speaker one of the first questions she asked of us was, “Is he a Vietnam Veteran?” “Yes”, we answered. The diagnosis is PTSD. “He is also in law enforcement,” we explained. “Then definitely the diagnosis is PTSD,” she said.
All of this happened 20 years after Vietnam so we, as a family, had made no recognition of a connection with Vietnam. Our next question was, “Why now, after 20 years of happy family, happy lives?” The answer from the therapist was PTSD comes when it will. Following this we asked, “How do you know when so many other therapists had no answers or understandings to share with us?” She told us she has been the therapist of choice for the VA and AA in our county for many years and has seen many of these cases.
We have seen that some people with PTSD do  not want to be helped by their own families, so we could only share when help could be found. Gratefully, during the past six months, additional information came over Channel 2 Public Television, from the VA, that added much clarity for those of us searching for understanding of this painful change in our families. It is called the Soldiers Project by Dr. Judith Broder (818) 761-7488; www.thesoldiersproject.org; www.intheirboots.com; www.Vetcenter.VA.gov. The hotline for Veterans is (888) 777-4443, hours: 9AM to 9PM PST. Fresno area number (559) 487-5660. Mary Jordon, counselor, hours 8-4:30 M-F.
What to look for in PTSD: isolation, addiction to TV war games, can’t find their former selves, cut off relationships, no church, sleeplessness, drinking alcohol, dangerous behavior. Help is free for veterans and spouses. May all who need help get it. May God bless everyone.
S. Shepherd, Grover Beach