Asking the Tough Questions

Written by Kevin Hauber

Asking “Who are you?” and “Why are you here?” can be perplexing questions if taken seriously. For many men, the initial answer might include a name and a description of the roles he plays: husband, father, son, brother, athlete, laborer, professional, etc. But what happens when he starts to look a bit deeper?

This is what we do in the Mankind Project men’s group. We look at our lives and get real with what is working for us and what is not. We look at where we are “in” integrity, or out, with our families, our work, our community and ourselves. Here, we create a safe space to be real with whatever is coming up for each one of us.

Confidentiality is a requirement of the group. It’s okay to share one’s own experience but not the names or details of others. Safety is also a priority; each man commits to physical and psychic safety during the processes. We term this “building a safe container” and it is an absolute requirement for the work we engage in.

The actual processes used in the group draw heavily from Jungian psychology and archetypes and some Native American traditions. But the real essence of the experience comes when a man is willing to drop down out of his head, and all of the stories he has been telling himself, and gets into what his body is saying about his life. Experiencing this in the men’s group may be the first time that this has ever happened for a man.

Being encouraged and guided to be as honest as we can with ourselves and in the presence of other men is a rare opportunity and an exceptional experience for most of us. A deep trust must be developed to do this.

As young men we are most often taught to be competitive; to find a way to be better and faster than the next guy. Trust may develop in a team or with a business partner, but rarely on the level of the feelings we share that drive so many of our behaviors. This is what we want to look at in the men’s group. What is it that’s working for you in your life and how can you share that even more? On the flip side, what is not working for you; what keeps tripping you up and making a mess of your life? How much are you willing to own and change?

Men can feel cut off from their emotions and very unsafe in expressing them. It’s very common to feel frustrated and held back in our work and other efforts in our lives. All of this is welcome. It is our belief that there is gold to be experienced somewhere under whatever it is that has been holding a man back. Moving through this resistance is life altering and life enhancing. There is great challenge and opportunity in this.  By engaging in the process of stripping away at what we are not and reinforcing what we truly are in a supportive environment, a man can begin to answer the “who are you and why are you here?” questions more deeply.

This “Open Circle” has been meeting in San Luis Obispo since 2004. For all interested men we currently meet on Tuesday nights from 6:45 to 10:00 pm at the Manzanita School campus on Grand Avenue near Cal Poly.
This type of work is not for everyone but we welcome you to check it out. For more information contact: Kevin Hauber at 459-8844 or by email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Kevin Hauber is a facilitator and one of the founding members of the San Luis Obispo Open Circle for the Mankind Project, an international men’s organization.